I can't believe that 10 weeks home has past already. I am not ready to leave my little boy and reenter the work scene. We just haven't had enough time. I think that I was much more stressed about this a couple of weeks ago, having nightmares and feeling a lot of anxiety about how to find the right child care situation. Unfortunately, and perhaps fortunately, I wasn't able to get full coverage for the 3 remaining weeks of June, so won't be going back the 60% time we had agreed on until after the 4th of July. It has been challenging finding the right fit with daycare or nanny care. But I do have someone I have hired to come into our home who worked for 3 years for a friend of the families, so I should be feeling at ease. But I know tomorrow morning when I leave the house rather than participating in our morning routine together is going to be very difficult for both of us. I am only going for a half day, but it will be hard enough. Oddly, Ritesh has in the past couple of weeks started to become much more attached to me (more so than before) and much more unhappy about me leaving him with anyone. So again, tomorrow morning is going to be very trying for us both.
Anyway, our time over the past 10 weeks has been precious... moments of great joy and moments of frustration. I have a lot of work to do on my own patience with myself, him and others, and in keeping myself from getting too flustered from the multi-tasking and lack of time to just catch my breath and reflect or organize my thoughts. This is a rare moment. I should be cleaning up the kitchen, folding laundry or getting things organized for the nanny, Maggie, who arrives at 8:00 am tomorrow morning. It will be a late night.
As I said to someone the other day, I would very much like to suddenly become independently wealthy, have a partner who tells me not to worry, I can be a stay at home mom for the rest of the year, or to have my work place become very flexible about the number of hours I work while we are still adjusting to our new lives. Somehow, we will make it work. After all, I missed the first two years of Ritesh's life, and this is a fundamental time in his development and our family building, so I will find a way to keep the focus on him despite the pressures all around me.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Last week of April - week four at home
Time flies when you are having fun and when you are completely rewriting how your days routinely unfold. As I mentioned to two friends earlier this week, I feel like my life has both contracted and expanded at the same time. Seems strange... but our little world has been just that, not venturing out too far, learning to trust, love, play and explore, and to manage with greater patience and understanding tantrums, resistances, ups and downs, days not feeling so hot, on both sides. At the same time, what I think about daily is quite different from what I thought about prior to Ritesh becoming my son. Activities that were much more peripheral in my life before are now front and center. Playground, park, singing children songs and dancing, cleaning up and picking up the house, over and over again... simple outdoor play with the neighbors.... reading picture books, reinforcing new words, enjoying the various creatures that come through our yard.
I think that in the process of adoption, one thinks a lot about how the child will adapt, will it be scary, overwhelming, tiring, etc. But those same concerns seems to be valid on the side for the adoptive parent too. None of the books I read talked about that very much. So I have been just taking it as it comes.
Joys of parenting:
Smiles and giggles of delight with new discoveries and play; Kisses and full body hugs; Hearing "I lu lou"; Remembering to take joy is the simplest of pleasures; Seeing the world through your child's eyes and therefore rediscovering things you had taken for granted for a very long time; Having total clarity on priorities; Being for someone else and much less focused on yourself....
Simple new Joys of Single parenting:
Taking a shower from beginning to end with time to get dressed by yourself (that has happened twice!); being the one who understands him the best; being the one who can comfort him; not having to negotiate decisions about what to do or how to manage his different stages and behaviors with someone else; having a moment with the kitty lying on my chest after he goes to bed and watching a movie (or part of one is more like it); having him stay with my mother and do beautifully on my first outings without him (they certainly are buddies!)
Challenges of single parenting:
Not being able to go anywhere without him... well, thanks to my mother, I have managed two acupuncture appointments; being tired most of the time; having to fit in chores, emails, telephone calls into the span of his nap which has gone from and hour and a half to 45 minutes (we are getting better at being able to do some of them together); inability to have an adult focused conversation without interruption; not having someone with whom to discuss decisions about how to manage his different stages and behaviors; not having someone to split the calls or plan making with; having no time yet for a real date with my boyfriend.
I think that in the process of adoption, one thinks a lot about how the child will adapt, will it be scary, overwhelming, tiring, etc. But those same concerns seems to be valid on the side for the adoptive parent too. None of the books I read talked about that very much. So I have been just taking it as it comes.
Joys of parenting:
Smiles and giggles of delight with new discoveries and play; Kisses and full body hugs; Hearing "I lu lou"; Remembering to take joy is the simplest of pleasures; Seeing the world through your child's eyes and therefore rediscovering things you had taken for granted for a very long time; Having total clarity on priorities; Being for someone else and much less focused on yourself....
Simple new Joys of Single parenting:
Taking a shower from beginning to end with time to get dressed by yourself (that has happened twice!); being the one who understands him the best; being the one who can comfort him; not having to negotiate decisions about what to do or how to manage his different stages and behaviors with someone else; having a moment with the kitty lying on my chest after he goes to bed and watching a movie (or part of one is more like it); having him stay with my mother and do beautifully on my first outings without him (they certainly are buddies!)
Challenges of single parenting:
Not being able to go anywhere without him... well, thanks to my mother, I have managed two acupuncture appointments; being tired most of the time; having to fit in chores, emails, telephone calls into the span of his nap which has gone from and hour and a half to 45 minutes (we are getting better at being able to do some of them together); inability to have an adult focused conversation without interruption; not having someone with whom to discuss decisions about how to manage his different stages and behaviors; not having someone to split the calls or plan making with; having no time yet for a real date with my boyfriend.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Week two at home
Highlights of the week have included trips to Brookside Gardens and the Horse stable in Wheaton Regional Park... he loved the horses, Canadian geese, ducks, turtles, fish and Robins. He trucks a long on the paths with me pushing a stroller that he never wants to get in. Run as much as you wish, little man. Build those muscles, build that appetite and prepare yourself for a good night sleep.
He also loves visiting his Grammy and Grandpa's house... we thought their two Greyhounds would intimidate Ritesh, but no. He is quite fine with their size now. In fact, he remains more interested in the cats than the dogs. I love how he embraces and kisses my parents. What a loving child. He also very much loves his visits with his Aunt Julie, Uncle Chad and Zachary. And our one visit with Aunt Therese and her youngest Xaris was a big hit! When he hears the voices of the neighbor children out front, he wants to go outside and play. He is very quickly entering into the fold of the young children that surround us on all sides.
Doctor's appointments have not been very fun. He had his first exam and vaccination Monday (he is now 23.5 lbs and 33 1/4 inches tall) and today we went back for them to draw blood and after the nurse dug at both of this little arms for the vein, they said they can't do it and we have to go to LabCorp. Great, another trip to a more intimidating place... I am not pleased to say the least. I think we have both been off all day as a result. But the day was absolutely gorgeous, so we got some outdoor time in. I am glad he likes to play outdoors so much.
My basement is almost finished. Having the entire basement finished during this time period has been a little challenging, but I am so happy I decided to do it. It is looking great. Lots of room for guests and a play room. However, it will be some time before I can afford to furnish it much.
He also loves visiting his Grammy and Grandpa's house... we thought their two Greyhounds would intimidate Ritesh, but no. He is quite fine with their size now. In fact, he remains more interested in the cats than the dogs. I love how he embraces and kisses my parents. What a loving child. He also very much loves his visits with his Aunt Julie, Uncle Chad and Zachary. And our one visit with Aunt Therese and her youngest Xaris was a big hit! When he hears the voices of the neighbor children out front, he wants to go outside and play. He is very quickly entering into the fold of the young children that surround us on all sides.
Doctor's appointments have not been very fun. He had his first exam and vaccination Monday (he is now 23.5 lbs and 33 1/4 inches tall) and today we went back for them to draw blood and after the nurse dug at both of this little arms for the vein, they said they can't do it and we have to go to LabCorp. Great, another trip to a more intimidating place... I am not pleased to say the least. I think we have both been off all day as a result. But the day was absolutely gorgeous, so we got some outdoor time in. I am glad he likes to play outdoors so much.
My basement is almost finished. Having the entire basement finished during this time period has been a little challenging, but I am so happy I decided to do it. It is looking great. Lots of room for guests and a play room. However, it will be some time before I can afford to furnish it much.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Settling in at Home
Ritesh and I got home last Friday. Mom (Grammy) picked us up and Ritesh was a champ in the car seat, except for some car sickness close to home. After about 30 hours of travel that is completely understandable. Our trip back was definitely challenging and tiring to say the least - probably more for me than for Ritesh who happily slept some on each flight. Three roughly 7 hour flights with a two year old alone is not necessarily an experience that I recommend. But, overall, except for some hysteria about being belted in on the first flight, he did just great. And handling jet lag hasn't been that hard for Ritesh either. He is fine with his getting up at all hours because then he goes to sleep again when he is ready. It is Mommy who has been having a harder time adjusting and recuperating. I think that yesterday was the first day I wasn't feeling like a total zombie. Lack of sleep, getting used to a small being being totally dependent on me and not really leaving my side at all, etc... Is there such a thing as toddler parenting culture shock?
But Ritesh is an amazing child, a true delight, inquisitive, quick to pick things up, very social and affectionate. He has very much enjoyed meeting family and neighbors. He seems to play well with cousins and neighbor children although "my my" is starting to kick in more. Oh, yes, he is a two year old. We have had delightful moments of kissing Mommy Grammy, aunt Julie, aunt Therese, Grandpa and Bill; joy on the first swing and slide; surprising excitement rather than fear of the dogs and cats; eating a fabulous meal at and Ethiopian restaurant (and liking everything on the plate including the greens), as well as tantrums about things he can't have or demanding moments for mother's constant undivided attention.
But Ritesh is an amazing child, a true delight, inquisitive, quick to pick things up, very social and affectionate. He has very much enjoyed meeting family and neighbors. He seems to play well with cousins and neighbor children although "my my" is starting to kick in more. Oh, yes, he is a two year old. We have had delightful moments of kissing Mommy Grammy, aunt Julie, aunt Therese, Grandpa and Bill; joy on the first swing and slide; surprising excitement rather than fear of the dogs and cats; eating a fabulous meal at and Ethiopian restaurant (and liking everything on the plate including the greens), as well as tantrums about things he can't have or demanding moments for mother's constant undivided attention.
Today I am feeling more well rested and hope I start to feel more enthusiastic and energetic about the different things we can go do and learn together.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
VISA IN HAND
We just got back from the Embassy... Visa and supporting papers in hand!! We are on our way tonight. I can't believe it is finally happening.
Had another obstacle over the last two days... was at the doctor's yesterday, with a bacterial stomach infection - vomiting and the works. But after starting antibiotics, anti-nausea meds and re-hydration salts, i feel much better. So glad it won't stop me from traveling.
See everyone soon!!
Thanks for all of your support.
Next post from DC!!!!
Had another obstacle over the last two days... was at the doctor's yesterday, with a bacterial stomach infection - vomiting and the works. But after starting antibiotics, anti-nausea meds and re-hydration salts, i feel much better. So glad it won't stop me from traveling.
See everyone soon!!
Thanks for all of your support.
Next post from DC!!!!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
US Embassy Visa Interview Over
Today we had our US Embassy Visa Interview and filling out of requisite paperwork so Ritesh automatically becomes a citizen when he gets home. But he won't leave Nepal with my name. Change of name happens in the US. His travel document says Ritesh Balak (baby boy in Nepali). We were told to return Thursday between 11 and noon to pick up the visa. We are really going to pull this off.
Each day we are getting more and more comfortable with each other, with greater comprehension, trust and affection. This morning when we woke up he rolled over and kissed me on the mouth. He did it two more times, rolling away playfully and rolling back with his little lips puckered. So sweet!
I am nervous about the flight home and even more nervous about the car seat. He doesn't like to confined except in the ergobaby. We have been riding in the stroller on the terrace outside our hotel room door (our own prviate garden frequently), to get him more accepting of having the strap buckled. We have made it into a game. But that is when he is with me, or with Jennifer and her daughter Laxmi who he adores. Not when he is out somewhere where he is unsure. We'll see....
Another full day tomorrow for an outing and to get ready to travel. Count down begins :)
Each day we are getting more and more comfortable with each other, with greater comprehension, trust and affection. This morning when we woke up he rolled over and kissed me on the mouth. He did it two more times, rolling away playfully and rolling back with his little lips puckered. So sweet!
I am nervous about the flight home and even more nervous about the car seat. He doesn't like to confined except in the ergobaby. We have been riding in the stroller on the terrace outside our hotel room door (our own prviate garden frequently), to get him more accepting of having the strap buckled. We have made it into a game. But that is when he is with me, or with Jennifer and her daughter Laxmi who he adores. Not when he is out somewhere where he is unsure. We'll see....
Another full day tomorrow for an outing and to get ready to travel. Count down begins :)
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