I can't believe that 10 weeks home has past already. I am not ready to leave my little boy and reenter the work scene. We just haven't had enough time. I think that I was much more stressed about this a couple of weeks ago, having nightmares and feeling a lot of anxiety about how to find the right child care situation. Unfortunately, and perhaps fortunately, I wasn't able to get full coverage for the 3 remaining weeks of June, so won't be going back the 60% time we had agreed on until after the 4th of July. It has been challenging finding the right fit with daycare or nanny care. But I do have someone I have hired to come into our home who worked for 3 years for a friend of the families, so I should be feeling at ease. But I know tomorrow morning when I leave the house rather than participating in our morning routine together is going to be very difficult for both of us. I am only going for a half day, but it will be hard enough. Oddly, Ritesh has in the past couple of weeks started to become much more attached to me (more so than before) and much more unhappy about me leaving him with anyone. So again, tomorrow morning is going to be very trying for us both.
Anyway, our time over the past 10 weeks has been precious... moments of great joy and moments of frustration. I have a lot of work to do on my own patience with myself, him and others, and in keeping myself from getting too flustered from the multi-tasking and lack of time to just catch my breath and reflect or organize my thoughts. This is a rare moment. I should be cleaning up the kitchen, folding laundry or getting things organized for the nanny, Maggie, who arrives at 8:00 am tomorrow morning. It will be a late night.
As I said to someone the other day, I would very much like to suddenly become independently wealthy, have a partner who tells me not to worry, I can be a stay at home mom for the rest of the year, or to have my work place become very flexible about the number of hours I work while we are still adjusting to our new lives. Somehow, we will make it work. After all, I missed the first two years of Ritesh's life, and this is a fundamental time in his development and our family building, so I will find a way to keep the focus on him despite the pressures all around me.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Last week of April - week four at home
Time flies when you are having fun and when you are completely rewriting how your days routinely unfold. As I mentioned to two friends earlier this week, I feel like my life has both contracted and expanded at the same time. Seems strange... but our little world has been just that, not venturing out too far, learning to trust, love, play and explore, and to manage with greater patience and understanding tantrums, resistances, ups and downs, days not feeling so hot, on both sides. At the same time, what I think about daily is quite different from what I thought about prior to Ritesh becoming my son. Activities that were much more peripheral in my life before are now front and center. Playground, park, singing children songs and dancing, cleaning up and picking up the house, over and over again... simple outdoor play with the neighbors.... reading picture books, reinforcing new words, enjoying the various creatures that come through our yard.
I think that in the process of adoption, one thinks a lot about how the child will adapt, will it be scary, overwhelming, tiring, etc. But those same concerns seems to be valid on the side for the adoptive parent too. None of the books I read talked about that very much. So I have been just taking it as it comes.
Joys of parenting:
Smiles and giggles of delight with new discoveries and play; Kisses and full body hugs; Hearing "I lu lou"; Remembering to take joy is the simplest of pleasures; Seeing the world through your child's eyes and therefore rediscovering things you had taken for granted for a very long time; Having total clarity on priorities; Being for someone else and much less focused on yourself....
Simple new Joys of Single parenting:
Taking a shower from beginning to end with time to get dressed by yourself (that has happened twice!); being the one who understands him the best; being the one who can comfort him; not having to negotiate decisions about what to do or how to manage his different stages and behaviors with someone else; having a moment with the kitty lying on my chest after he goes to bed and watching a movie (or part of one is more like it); having him stay with my mother and do beautifully on my first outings without him (they certainly are buddies!)
Challenges of single parenting:
Not being able to go anywhere without him... well, thanks to my mother, I have managed two acupuncture appointments; being tired most of the time; having to fit in chores, emails, telephone calls into the span of his nap which has gone from and hour and a half to 45 minutes (we are getting better at being able to do some of them together); inability to have an adult focused conversation without interruption; not having someone with whom to discuss decisions about how to manage his different stages and behaviors; not having someone to split the calls or plan making with; having no time yet for a real date with my boyfriend.
I think that in the process of adoption, one thinks a lot about how the child will adapt, will it be scary, overwhelming, tiring, etc. But those same concerns seems to be valid on the side for the adoptive parent too. None of the books I read talked about that very much. So I have been just taking it as it comes.
Joys of parenting:
Smiles and giggles of delight with new discoveries and play; Kisses and full body hugs; Hearing "I lu lou"; Remembering to take joy is the simplest of pleasures; Seeing the world through your child's eyes and therefore rediscovering things you had taken for granted for a very long time; Having total clarity on priorities; Being for someone else and much less focused on yourself....
Simple new Joys of Single parenting:
Taking a shower from beginning to end with time to get dressed by yourself (that has happened twice!); being the one who understands him the best; being the one who can comfort him; not having to negotiate decisions about what to do or how to manage his different stages and behaviors with someone else; having a moment with the kitty lying on my chest after he goes to bed and watching a movie (or part of one is more like it); having him stay with my mother and do beautifully on my first outings without him (they certainly are buddies!)
Challenges of single parenting:
Not being able to go anywhere without him... well, thanks to my mother, I have managed two acupuncture appointments; being tired most of the time; having to fit in chores, emails, telephone calls into the span of his nap which has gone from and hour and a half to 45 minutes (we are getting better at being able to do some of them together); inability to have an adult focused conversation without interruption; not having someone with whom to discuss decisions about how to manage his different stages and behaviors; not having someone to split the calls or plan making with; having no time yet for a real date with my boyfriend.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Week two at home
Highlights of the week have included trips to Brookside Gardens and the Horse stable in Wheaton Regional Park... he loved the horses, Canadian geese, ducks, turtles, fish and Robins. He trucks a long on the paths with me pushing a stroller that he never wants to get in. Run as much as you wish, little man. Build those muscles, build that appetite and prepare yourself for a good night sleep.
He also loves visiting his Grammy and Grandpa's house... we thought their two Greyhounds would intimidate Ritesh, but no. He is quite fine with their size now. In fact, he remains more interested in the cats than the dogs. I love how he embraces and kisses my parents. What a loving child. He also very much loves his visits with his Aunt Julie, Uncle Chad and Zachary. And our one visit with Aunt Therese and her youngest Xaris was a big hit! When he hears the voices of the neighbor children out front, he wants to go outside and play. He is very quickly entering into the fold of the young children that surround us on all sides.
Doctor's appointments have not been very fun. He had his first exam and vaccination Monday (he is now 23.5 lbs and 33 1/4 inches tall) and today we went back for them to draw blood and after the nurse dug at both of this little arms for the vein, they said they can't do it and we have to go to LabCorp. Great, another trip to a more intimidating place... I am not pleased to say the least. I think we have both been off all day as a result. But the day was absolutely gorgeous, so we got some outdoor time in. I am glad he likes to play outdoors so much.
My basement is almost finished. Having the entire basement finished during this time period has been a little challenging, but I am so happy I decided to do it. It is looking great. Lots of room for guests and a play room. However, it will be some time before I can afford to furnish it much.
He also loves visiting his Grammy and Grandpa's house... we thought their two Greyhounds would intimidate Ritesh, but no. He is quite fine with their size now. In fact, he remains more interested in the cats than the dogs. I love how he embraces and kisses my parents. What a loving child. He also very much loves his visits with his Aunt Julie, Uncle Chad and Zachary. And our one visit with Aunt Therese and her youngest Xaris was a big hit! When he hears the voices of the neighbor children out front, he wants to go outside and play. He is very quickly entering into the fold of the young children that surround us on all sides.
Doctor's appointments have not been very fun. He had his first exam and vaccination Monday (he is now 23.5 lbs and 33 1/4 inches tall) and today we went back for them to draw blood and after the nurse dug at both of this little arms for the vein, they said they can't do it and we have to go to LabCorp. Great, another trip to a more intimidating place... I am not pleased to say the least. I think we have both been off all day as a result. But the day was absolutely gorgeous, so we got some outdoor time in. I am glad he likes to play outdoors so much.
My basement is almost finished. Having the entire basement finished during this time period has been a little challenging, but I am so happy I decided to do it. It is looking great. Lots of room for guests and a play room. However, it will be some time before I can afford to furnish it much.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Settling in at Home
Ritesh and I got home last Friday. Mom (Grammy) picked us up and Ritesh was a champ in the car seat, except for some car sickness close to home. After about 30 hours of travel that is completely understandable. Our trip back was definitely challenging and tiring to say the least - probably more for me than for Ritesh who happily slept some on each flight. Three roughly 7 hour flights with a two year old alone is not necessarily an experience that I recommend. But, overall, except for some hysteria about being belted in on the first flight, he did just great. And handling jet lag hasn't been that hard for Ritesh either. He is fine with his getting up at all hours because then he goes to sleep again when he is ready. It is Mommy who has been having a harder time adjusting and recuperating. I think that yesterday was the first day I wasn't feeling like a total zombie. Lack of sleep, getting used to a small being being totally dependent on me and not really leaving my side at all, etc... Is there such a thing as toddler parenting culture shock?
But Ritesh is an amazing child, a true delight, inquisitive, quick to pick things up, very social and affectionate. He has very much enjoyed meeting family and neighbors. He seems to play well with cousins and neighbor children although "my my" is starting to kick in more. Oh, yes, he is a two year old. We have had delightful moments of kissing Mommy Grammy, aunt Julie, aunt Therese, Grandpa and Bill; joy on the first swing and slide; surprising excitement rather than fear of the dogs and cats; eating a fabulous meal at and Ethiopian restaurant (and liking everything on the plate including the greens), as well as tantrums about things he can't have or demanding moments for mother's constant undivided attention.
But Ritesh is an amazing child, a true delight, inquisitive, quick to pick things up, very social and affectionate. He has very much enjoyed meeting family and neighbors. He seems to play well with cousins and neighbor children although "my my" is starting to kick in more. Oh, yes, he is a two year old. We have had delightful moments of kissing Mommy Grammy, aunt Julie, aunt Therese, Grandpa and Bill; joy on the first swing and slide; surprising excitement rather than fear of the dogs and cats; eating a fabulous meal at and Ethiopian restaurant (and liking everything on the plate including the greens), as well as tantrums about things he can't have or demanding moments for mother's constant undivided attention.
Today I am feeling more well rested and hope I start to feel more enthusiastic and energetic about the different things we can go do and learn together.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
VISA IN HAND
We just got back from the Embassy... Visa and supporting papers in hand!! We are on our way tonight. I can't believe it is finally happening.
Had another obstacle over the last two days... was at the doctor's yesterday, with a bacterial stomach infection - vomiting and the works. But after starting antibiotics, anti-nausea meds and re-hydration salts, i feel much better. So glad it won't stop me from traveling.
See everyone soon!!
Thanks for all of your support.
Next post from DC!!!!
Had another obstacle over the last two days... was at the doctor's yesterday, with a bacterial stomach infection - vomiting and the works. But after starting antibiotics, anti-nausea meds and re-hydration salts, i feel much better. So glad it won't stop me from traveling.
See everyone soon!!
Thanks for all of your support.
Next post from DC!!!!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
US Embassy Visa Interview Over
Today we had our US Embassy Visa Interview and filling out of requisite paperwork so Ritesh automatically becomes a citizen when he gets home. But he won't leave Nepal with my name. Change of name happens in the US. His travel document says Ritesh Balak (baby boy in Nepali). We were told to return Thursday between 11 and noon to pick up the visa. We are really going to pull this off.
Each day we are getting more and more comfortable with each other, with greater comprehension, trust and affection. This morning when we woke up he rolled over and kissed me on the mouth. He did it two more times, rolling away playfully and rolling back with his little lips puckered. So sweet!
I am nervous about the flight home and even more nervous about the car seat. He doesn't like to confined except in the ergobaby. We have been riding in the stroller on the terrace outside our hotel room door (our own prviate garden frequently), to get him more accepting of having the strap buckled. We have made it into a game. But that is when he is with me, or with Jennifer and her daughter Laxmi who he adores. Not when he is out somewhere where he is unsure. We'll see....
Another full day tomorrow for an outing and to get ready to travel. Count down begins :)
Each day we are getting more and more comfortable with each other, with greater comprehension, trust and affection. This morning when we woke up he rolled over and kissed me on the mouth. He did it two more times, rolling away playfully and rolling back with his little lips puckered. So sweet!
I am nervous about the flight home and even more nervous about the car seat. He doesn't like to confined except in the ergobaby. We have been riding in the stroller on the terrace outside our hotel room door (our own prviate garden frequently), to get him more accepting of having the strap buckled. We have made it into a game. But that is when he is with me, or with Jennifer and her daughter Laxmi who he adores. Not when he is out somewhere where he is unsure. We'll see....
Another full day tomorrow for an outing and to get ready to travel. Count down begins :)
Monday, March 28, 2011
Travel document in hand
Today we got Ritesh's travel document without a hitch and the International Organization for Migrations sent the US Embassy his medical exam/TB test report. So with that, it sure seems like we have everything our visa interview tomorrow. So if all goes as it should, we should have the visa by Thursday morning and get on a plane home Thursday night.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Nap time break March 25th
It is a gorgeous sunny day, maybe a little hot for my taste. Ritesh had a harder night last night, I think that the medicine may be bothering him a little. He is such a good sport about taking it. Sadly, we both are coughing with sore throat. The pollution here doesn't help much.
Today we had our first toddler tantrum. I dared to take a pen away from him. Both mad and clearly tired. fortunately I was able to ease him after his anger subsided and rock him off to sleep... entering motherhood at this stage of life will definitely be interesting. He is no push over.
Oh... my time is cut short. He just woke up. Fortunately I got a shower in.
Thanks for all of the encouragement and support. It is a big help.
Bill leaves tomorrow. He has been staying just one floor below us, so has continued to be a daily presense and huge huge help. He will have to win the award for his patience and generosity during our entire stay. He even went back to the children's home yesterday again to play music with the children. Being a lone is going to be more challenging.
Today we had our first toddler tantrum. I dared to take a pen away from him. Both mad and clearly tired. fortunately I was able to ease him after his anger subsided and rock him off to sleep... entering motherhood at this stage of life will definitely be interesting. He is no push over.
Oh... my time is cut short. He just woke up. Fortunately I got a shower in.
Thanks for all of the encouragement and support. It is a big help.
Bill leaves tomorrow. He has been staying just one floor below us, so has continued to be a daily presense and huge huge help. He will have to win the award for his patience and generosity during our entire stay. He even went back to the children's home yesterday again to play music with the children. Being a lone is going to be more challenging.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
March 24th
Back by popular demand, and thanks to a rare moment of wireless internet access in my room, I will tell you about our day... Ritesh is sleeping solidly next to me as he has done each night... with the exception of some turning and changing positions, which I wouldn't notice much if I were asleep. This morning it was so sweet to wake up and see his eyes open just looking at me quietly, even giving me time to wake up before asking to be picked up.
It is really fun to see more and more of his personality and to see him become less shy around strangers. Our hotel room has become his little safe haven and play room. I am so glad we decided to stay in a nicer hotel for this phase of the trip. I have a kichette where I can prepare is bottle, cereal and other foods, and where I can easily keep things for other meals and snack for all of us. Our room is on the top floor and opens onto a terrace... so we eat outside frequently. It is a nice home away from home, especially because of the staff. They are so engaging with him. And the adoptive parents I have been most in touch with during this process are next door, so we get to see there with the beautiful daughter Laxmi daily.
Highlights of the day: Ritesh has started blowing kisses at people and waving bye-bye when we come and go from places... this is a good step forward with regard to his interactions with other people.
He has really started to warm up to Bill, today really being the first day I could walk away with them playing with the Thomas train or one of the cool instruments Bill has given him, and go to the kitchen or bathroom. This is big since in general he isn't very comfortable with men.
Results back from the doctor - giardia and tape worm. Great! We were suspicious of this because of how much he wants to eat. He can really shovel it in! Got the best medicine that can be used and the doctor says they are both easy to treat.
Today we went to Swyambunath, one of the most sacred Buddhist Stupas in Nepal on top of large foothill to the West of the city... not too far. We went "pack pack baby" style (an expression both Therese and Heathe use. He loves getting into the Ergobaby. And we certainly do draw attention. I have been getting a lot of questions about whether or not he is Nepali, and if I adopted him, and lots of people fauning over him. Many people seem aware of the controversy last year about adoptions. It was in the papers. So, there are lots of conversations that I wouldn't have had going around Kathmandu myself.
Big new: my mother changed our return flight for me All is going so quickly, that we are going to return instead on March 31st. It is cutting it really close with the Embassy visa interview only two days before, but we were reassured that it would be totally doable. May no additional obstacles arise.
Good night.
Anne-Marie
It is really fun to see more and more of his personality and to see him become less shy around strangers. Our hotel room has become his little safe haven and play room. I am so glad we decided to stay in a nicer hotel for this phase of the trip. I have a kichette where I can prepare is bottle, cereal and other foods, and where I can easily keep things for other meals and snack for all of us. Our room is on the top floor and opens onto a terrace... so we eat outside frequently. It is a nice home away from home, especially because of the staff. They are so engaging with him. And the adoptive parents I have been most in touch with during this process are next door, so we get to see there with the beautiful daughter Laxmi daily.
Highlights of the day: Ritesh has started blowing kisses at people and waving bye-bye when we come and go from places... this is a good step forward with regard to his interactions with other people.
He has really started to warm up to Bill, today really being the first day I could walk away with them playing with the Thomas train or one of the cool instruments Bill has given him, and go to the kitchen or bathroom. This is big since in general he isn't very comfortable with men.
Results back from the doctor - giardia and tape worm. Great! We were suspicious of this because of how much he wants to eat. He can really shovel it in! Got the best medicine that can be used and the doctor says they are both easy to treat.
Today we went to Swyambunath, one of the most sacred Buddhist Stupas in Nepal on top of large foothill to the West of the city... not too far. We went "pack pack baby" style (an expression both Therese and Heathe use. He loves getting into the Ergobaby. And we certainly do draw attention. I have been getting a lot of questions about whether or not he is Nepali, and if I adopted him, and lots of people fauning over him. Many people seem aware of the controversy last year about adoptions. It was in the papers. So, there are lots of conversations that I wouldn't have had going around Kathmandu myself.
Big new: my mother changed our return flight for me All is going so quickly, that we are going to return instead on March 31st. It is cutting it really close with the Embassy visa interview only two days before, but we were reassured that it would be totally doable. May no additional obstacles arise.
Good night.
Anne-Marie
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
A day to remember
Today, I feel like we really covered a lot of territory, Ritesh and I. Starting with the poor little guy essentially being submitted to torture at his medical exam (who knew measuring height and weight would cause that level of distress - or to be more accurate, battle) to a total blow out (diaper that is) to a few hours of full on play for the first time in our little home in Hotel Tibet, with running back and forth, tickling, massive giggling - what a total treat! By the way,I have not mentioned that my child is brilliant. On our first day together, I showed him the sigh for "more" a couple of times when I was feeing him, and the next morning when he wanted more food, he put his two little hands together to very precisely make the sign.
What a joy to see him take joy in his world and the world around him.
What a joy to see him take joy in his world and the world around him.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Congratulations Madame, you are legally a mother
So yes, it is offical, Ritesh and I are mother and son. Powerful, but not yet fully felt. Yesterday was a long exhausting day for us both. I think today will be a day for more play and bonding.
We arrived at the orphanage at 9:30 am for tea, gathering final paperwork and saying good -bye to Ritesh's caregivers (didis - sisters) and the other children. The older children were eating when we left but all shouted good-bye Raja (that is his nickname) and good-bye sister. Then for the long day at the Ministry of
Women, Children and Social Welfare for the adoption and Ministry of Foreign Affairs to apply for his passport. That was a long wait... holding him in the shade and then in line. Let me tell you my arms are aching today. Mommy knew she was ill prepared for holding an 18 pound weight all day. Did not have time for weigh lifting before I came. Well, it is totally worth it.
We arrived at a new hotel; Hotel Tibet, which is beautifully decorated in traditional Tibetan decor and images. Very familar and comforting to me. Bill had be so kind to move all of my luggage while we were out all day... and with the power out, no elevator, so luggled it up 5 flights of stairs. Ritesh was pretty quiet most of the day, amazingly peaceful and curious to watch everything. But let me tell you, he would not let me put him down for anything. Not even on the bed to play with one of his toys. Clinging on, insisting to never be out of my arms. Only time he cried was when I changed his diapers. That he did not like. He is calling me didi only when he wants me to pick him up.
Didi is fine with me for now!
He went to sleep at 8:30 pm and slept like a rock. Woke at 2 am and want to sleep on top of me. When he fell back to sleep I was able to put him back down. Yes, he needs a lot of comfort with all of these changes, everything so strange. But he seems to be very comfortable with me. And he is so peaceful when I am holding him. Right now as I type at an internet cafe, he is in the Ergobaby on my lap, so happy to watch the different people talking. I doubt this will be possible for long since this morning he was starting to be more interested in playing with and run to get the ball in the hotel room. He is an incredibly agile, meticulous child... loves to take things apart and line them up in a row. Take toys in and out of their container. He doesn't like when food drops on his clothes. He will pick up a single grain of rice off of his shirt and put it back in his mouth or on the plate. Such a smart detail-oriented little guy.
As for mommy, she really didn't sleep at all last night. Very aware of sounds outside, his sleep, breathing, movements. I guess it is normal. I hope I can sleep tonight.
Well, I have not had time to just breath in and say, I am a mother. I think in many ways yestereday I felt overwhelmed by the sudden change and my concern for his wellbeing. I think the next few days will be wonderful as he comes out of himself more and feels more at ease. Then, I may be longing for his original willingness to just sit on my lap and hold onto me.
Sending our best from Kathmandu!
We arrived at the orphanage at 9:30 am for tea, gathering final paperwork and saying good -bye to Ritesh's caregivers (didis - sisters) and the other children. The older children were eating when we left but all shouted good-bye Raja (that is his nickname) and good-bye sister. Then for the long day at the Ministry of
Women, Children and Social Welfare for the adoption and Ministry of Foreign Affairs to apply for his passport. That was a long wait... holding him in the shade and then in line. Let me tell you my arms are aching today. Mommy knew she was ill prepared for holding an 18 pound weight all day. Did not have time for weigh lifting before I came. Well, it is totally worth it.
We arrived at a new hotel; Hotel Tibet, which is beautifully decorated in traditional Tibetan decor and images. Very familar and comforting to me. Bill had be so kind to move all of my luggage while we were out all day... and with the power out, no elevator, so luggled it up 5 flights of stairs. Ritesh was pretty quiet most of the day, amazingly peaceful and curious to watch everything. But let me tell you, he would not let me put him down for anything. Not even on the bed to play with one of his toys. Clinging on, insisting to never be out of my arms. Only time he cried was when I changed his diapers. That he did not like. He is calling me didi only when he wants me to pick him up.
Didi is fine with me for now!
He went to sleep at 8:30 pm and slept like a rock. Woke at 2 am and want to sleep on top of me. When he fell back to sleep I was able to put him back down. Yes, he needs a lot of comfort with all of these changes, everything so strange. But he seems to be very comfortable with me. And he is so peaceful when I am holding him. Right now as I type at an internet cafe, he is in the Ergobaby on my lap, so happy to watch the different people talking. I doubt this will be possible for long since this morning he was starting to be more interested in playing with and run to get the ball in the hotel room. He is an incredibly agile, meticulous child... loves to take things apart and line them up in a row. Take toys in and out of their container. He doesn't like when food drops on his clothes. He will pick up a single grain of rice off of his shirt and put it back in his mouth or on the plate. Such a smart detail-oriented little guy.
As for mommy, she really didn't sleep at all last night. Very aware of sounds outside, his sleep, breathing, movements. I guess it is normal. I hope I can sleep tonight.
Well, I have not had time to just breath in and say, I am a mother. I think in many ways yestereday I felt overwhelmed by the sudden change and my concern for his wellbeing. I think the next few days will be wonderful as he comes out of himself more and feels more at ease. Then, I may be longing for his original willingness to just sit on my lap and hold onto me.
Sending our best from Kathmandu!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Tomorrow there will be a new member of the Urban family!
Tomorrow will be one of the biggest days in my life. Everything will change for the Urban family. Little Ritesh will become my son, and I will become his mother. George and Alicia Urban will have their 13th grandchild! After waiting for a long time, now everything seems to be happening so fast... I had no idea the adoption finalization at the Ministry of Women and Child Welfare would come only 4 days after my arrival in Kathmandu.
We arrived in Kathmandu on Thursday March 17th. March 18th I went to visit Ritesh in the Children Welfare Home in Lalitpur Nepal for the first time. I didn't sleep much the night before because of my sense of anticipation and nervousness about how we would react to one another. What to expect? Will he be scared, let me hold him quickly feel at ease with me? To my amazement, he held out his arms for me to pick him up within minutes after we were together. In part because he was put down on the bed and he much prefers to be held, and in part because I think he did feel some kind of connection. I know he was unsure but he held tight to me. The director of the orphanage, Maya, told me that it was a very good sign. In fact, I learned today that she has not seen such a quick bonding and comfort with any of the children and their adoptive parents when they first came to the orphanage. That brings me great comfort that tomorrow when he goes with me after the adoption, he will not be too scared. It makes me feel more confident that we are a good match, and that our lives have come together for a very good reason.
But, either way, it will be hard for Ritesh to leave his first home. He is much loved by the women who care for him and the other children. I was told today that he was nicknamed "Raja" (little king) not because he acts like a little king but because he is one of the favorite children in the house. They say, "He is such an easy loving baby".
Bill and I have gone together to visit the orphanage for the last three days together. For the past two days he has played music with the children, in different age groups today which worked much better. They absolutely loved it. I have spent some time each day alone with Ritesh and then together with some of the didis (nannies or actually sisters) and the other children. Today Ritesh picked up one of the drums that Bill brought and played on it in rhythm with the others. He was totally into it!
We also delivered all of the wonderful clothing and musical instruments donated, and I went with Maya on a total food and basic supplies shopping spree today which we delivered in the late afternoon. The kids were most excited about all of the fresh fruit. Thanks to those of you who made contributions. They were very much needed and appreciated!
I noticed a change today. Ritesh was much happier with me. How did this process happen so quickly? Is it a good sign? I too experienced a change... the nervousness has started to subside. I am extremely tired after several days of real intensity emotionally and jetlag, but I am starting to feel more competent, like I can really do this.
I will post again soon, and include some photos when I have time to sit and do it. With the power outages every night from about 6 pm to 2 am it has been challenging with the internet. Fortunately, many places have generators.
Good night! Namaste!
We arrived in Kathmandu on Thursday March 17th. March 18th I went to visit Ritesh in the Children Welfare Home in Lalitpur Nepal for the first time. I didn't sleep much the night before because of my sense of anticipation and nervousness about how we would react to one another. What to expect? Will he be scared, let me hold him quickly feel at ease with me? To my amazement, he held out his arms for me to pick him up within minutes after we were together. In part because he was put down on the bed and he much prefers to be held, and in part because I think he did feel some kind of connection. I know he was unsure but he held tight to me. The director of the orphanage, Maya, told me that it was a very good sign. In fact, I learned today that she has not seen such a quick bonding and comfort with any of the children and their adoptive parents when they first came to the orphanage. That brings me great comfort that tomorrow when he goes with me after the adoption, he will not be too scared. It makes me feel more confident that we are a good match, and that our lives have come together for a very good reason.
But, either way, it will be hard for Ritesh to leave his first home. He is much loved by the women who care for him and the other children. I was told today that he was nicknamed "Raja" (little king) not because he acts like a little king but because he is one of the favorite children in the house. They say, "He is such an easy loving baby".
Bill and I have gone together to visit the orphanage for the last three days together. For the past two days he has played music with the children, in different age groups today which worked much better. They absolutely loved it. I have spent some time each day alone with Ritesh and then together with some of the didis (nannies or actually sisters) and the other children. Today Ritesh picked up one of the drums that Bill brought and played on it in rhythm with the others. He was totally into it!
We also delivered all of the wonderful clothing and musical instruments donated, and I went with Maya on a total food and basic supplies shopping spree today which we delivered in the late afternoon. The kids were most excited about all of the fresh fruit. Thanks to those of you who made contributions. They were very much needed and appreciated!
I noticed a change today. Ritesh was much happier with me. How did this process happen so quickly? Is it a good sign? I too experienced a change... the nervousness has started to subside. I am extremely tired after several days of real intensity emotionally and jetlag, but I am starting to feel more competent, like I can really do this.
I will post again soon, and include some photos when I have time to sit and do it. With the power outages every night from about 6 pm to 2 am it has been challenging with the internet. Fortunately, many places have generators.
Good night! Namaste!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Two weeks until take off!
When I first made my flight plans weeks ago together with Bill, it seemed like an eternity away - the day that I would travel to the other side of the world to finally adopt Ritesh. And as I hear about how many of the other parents have already traveled to Nepal and adopted their children, I feel like jumping on the plane tomorrow!
But then I feel the pressure all around me about everything that people want and need from me, and all the arrangements, preparations, etc, that I need to take care of before I go. Then I think, wow, only two weeks! That's amazing! Time is flying by.
I know that whatever I do over the next two weeks, it won't be enough, especially from the work perspective. That is just the nature of the beast. So, I have to just take a deep breath, give it my best shot, and when I get on that plane, leave it all behind for a while. Now, I want to keep my eye on what is absolutely my highest priority and my deepest source of motivation: RITESH, his well being and his happiness.
As I prepare for this massive shift in my life, I am learning what has been a little challenging for me in the past - asking for and accepting offers of help. It is really remarkable how generous the people in my life are! Over the past two weeks, my Mom and Bill have both been real super stars in that regard. I am so blessed. Thank you everyone!!
But then I feel the pressure all around me about everything that people want and need from me, and all the arrangements, preparations, etc, that I need to take care of before I go. Then I think, wow, only two weeks! That's amazing! Time is flying by.
I know that whatever I do over the next two weeks, it won't be enough, especially from the work perspective. That is just the nature of the beast. So, I have to just take a deep breath, give it my best shot, and when I get on that plane, leave it all behind for a while. Now, I want to keep my eye on what is absolutely my highest priority and my deepest source of motivation: RITESH, his well being and his happiness.
As I prepare for this massive shift in my life, I am learning what has been a little challenging for me in the past - asking for and accepting offers of help. It is really remarkable how generous the people in my life are! Over the past two weeks, my Mom and Bill have both been real super stars in that regard. I am so blessed. Thank you everyone!!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Showered with Celebration and Gifts
Last week-end I found myself in the middle of more than one circle of celebration. Two "toddler" showers in one week-end, Saturday and Sunday. For the first time in months, on Saturday at Paz's (thank you Paz, Therese, Julie and Vivian for organizing such a fabulous event!!), I was able to let go of the months of self protection and have a totally cathartic moment. So I did shed some major tears, even would have to admit to some actual sobs, but now it was out of total joy and being overwhelmed by emotion. But because of that release, for the rest of the afternoon, and during my shower at Wilson and Sharon's on Sunday (thank you for a lovely gathering!), I was calm and feeling a growing ease. I am very grateful for the celebrations - the festive decorations, the lovely food, the thoughtful and generous offerings of gift, all for little Ritesh. The only thing that would have made the week-end more perfect would have been having Ritesh already home with me.
The little guy has no idea how many adoring aunts, uncles and friends are waiting to shower him with love and affection. And to see the gifts signed from "Grammy and Grandpa" really made it sink in; our little guy is going to be part of our extended family and circle of friends very very soon.
What is also incredibly gratifying are the offerings of donations for the orphanage in Nepal. Bill and I are planning to pack up lots of goodies, instruments, clothing, computer, camera and money for food and school fees to take with us. What a wonderful opportunity for all of us to practice the perfection of our generosity. I can't wait to get there and share with all of the gorgeous kids in Children Welfare Home.
The little guy has no idea how many adoring aunts, uncles and friends are waiting to shower him with love and affection. And to see the gifts signed from "Grammy and Grandpa" really made it sink in; our little guy is going to be part of our extended family and circle of friends very very soon.
What is also incredibly gratifying are the offerings of donations for the orphanage in Nepal. Bill and I are planning to pack up lots of goodies, instruments, clothing, computer, camera and money for food and school fees to take with us. What a wonderful opportunity for all of us to practice the perfection of our generosity. I can't wait to get there and share with all of the gorgeous kids in Children Welfare Home.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Obstacles Removed!
On February 14th, Valentine's Day, I finally received the news I have been waiting for since October of 2010. The efforts that we made to fulfill the US government's requirements for further evidence on Ritesh's status as an orphan were determined to be successful and I received a preapproval of my I-600, Petition to Classify an Orphan as a Relative. This means that when I go to request the Visa for Ritesh to come home with me in Kathmandu, there will be no obstacles from the US government!
I am so grateful that this period of waiting and focus on bureaucratic processes is largely over, and I can now focus on the beautiful little boy who I will be meeting in mid-March for the first time. I am starting to learn more about what his daily life is like in the orphanage from other families who have visited and the kinds of experiences he has probably had during his first two years of life. I don't know if Ritesh has been told anything about me coming to meet him like other mommies and daddies have with other children at the orphanage. It must be interesting and confusing to him to see other Western adults coming to play with them and then to see some of his playmates leave with them. I hope this experience will make my arrival and our meeting less of a strange happening. But either way, I know that the transition will be tough for him. I want to do everything that I can to show him that I have come to offer him love, affection and tender care. I want to try to think about how things will be from his side, and be gradual and gentle and playful so he is able to feel an ease with me. I want to give him some time so he is also deciding that he is ready to be with me.
While I am nervous, I am overjoyed by the idea that we will soon be together. It is remarkable how you can have such strong feelings of love for someone who you have not yet met. I feel overwhelmed by the power of the maternal feelings I have for Ritesh and my deep longing to hug and kiss him, and do what I can to bring him joy. I am esctatic at the idea of being his mommy. I feel that all that has come before in my quest for family was pointed towards this moment. I wouldn't want it to be any other child who was about to be my son. I hope that at some point he also comes to feel the same way that I was meant to be his mommy.
I am so grateful that this period of waiting and focus on bureaucratic processes is largely over, and I can now focus on the beautiful little boy who I will be meeting in mid-March for the first time. I am starting to learn more about what his daily life is like in the orphanage from other families who have visited and the kinds of experiences he has probably had during his first two years of life. I don't know if Ritesh has been told anything about me coming to meet him like other mommies and daddies have with other children at the orphanage. It must be interesting and confusing to him to see other Western adults coming to play with them and then to see some of his playmates leave with them. I hope this experience will make my arrival and our meeting less of a strange happening. But either way, I know that the transition will be tough for him. I want to do everything that I can to show him that I have come to offer him love, affection and tender care. I want to try to think about how things will be from his side, and be gradual and gentle and playful so he is able to feel an ease with me. I want to give him some time so he is also deciding that he is ready to be with me.
While I am nervous, I am overjoyed by the idea that we will soon be together. It is remarkable how you can have such strong feelings of love for someone who you have not yet met. I feel overwhelmed by the power of the maternal feelings I have for Ritesh and my deep longing to hug and kiss him, and do what I can to bring him joy. I am esctatic at the idea of being his mommy. I feel that all that has come before in my quest for family was pointed towards this moment. I wouldn't want it to be any other child who was about to be my son. I hope that at some point he also comes to feel the same way that I was meant to be his mommy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)